"So one of the biggest things I deal with here in Ghana is men. Due to my looking like a stereotypical white American lady (I’m half Filipino but no one believes me) I get a lot of attention and to be honest its really annoying. Anywhere I am it could happen. Sitting on a tro tro a guy can sit next to me and it always starts the same, “I like/love you” then something along the lines of, “you will be my wife/I am going to marry you.” Excuse me? Don’t you need to know a girl’s name first? Or one of my favorites, “Obruni! Obruni! I will marry you someday!” Well send the place, time and date to me via e-mail (because you are not getting my phone number and calling incessantly at odd hours) and I shall show up in a wedding dress.
One thing I have learned in Ghana is that even though most Americans couldn’t point out Ghana on a map Ghanaians idolize America. They want to get there so bad but visas are hard to acquire so marrying into America is another valid option, on top of this having a white wife/girlfriend is a status symbol.
“Know what? Ok. I will marry you. Even though you are only using me for my skin color and citizenship, there is no way you can find a job that can support us as a family so we will probably rely on my paycheck. There is a good chance you will cheat on me a beat me because that is common among Ghanaian men. BUT, I heard black men are ‘big’ so yes. I will marry you and you can come to America and we shall have pretty little multiracial children.” If I said that to the next Ghanaian man who proposes I wonder how he will react.
I should make it clear, not all Ghanaian men are like this. I have plenty of Ghanaian friends who are guys that haven’t asked me to marry them (…at least seriously…). And the thing about beating/cheating, it is more common here then it is in America but like in America there are good guys and bad guys. The good Ghanaian men are just as extreme as the annoying ones. Some guys I have come across only want to help. You ask them where the internet café is and not only will they tell you but they will take you there too with no expectation of reward. They are respectful, sweet, and usually the ones you want to give your number to (even though you don’t get an opportunity). I am amazed constantly at the helpfulness of both Ghanaian men and women that you just don’t see often in America.
The last thing I have to say about Ghanaian men is there version of masculinity. Men hold hands here are with other men and I have seen guys wear what I think is girly print or cuts. [Joy's insert: But it's not considered gay, as an American would probably automatically assume. In fact, male homosexuality is illegal.] From the relationships I have seen (with both American and Ghanaian women) they tend to be chauvinistic and controlling. On the other hand they are overly romantic in what most Americans see as a cheesy way. It’s all interesting.
All I know is if one more guy asks me to marry them I am telling them I am a infertile lesbian. Maybe it will work?"
“Know what? Ok. I will marry you. Even though you are only using me for my skin color and citizenship, there is no way you can find a job that can support us as a family so we will probably rely on my paycheck. There is a good chance you will cheat on me a beat me because that is common among Ghanaian men. BUT, I heard black men are ‘big’ so yes. I will marry you and you can come to America and we shall have pretty little multiracial children.” If I said that to the next Ghanaian man who proposes I wonder how he will react.
I should make it clear, not all Ghanaian men are like this. I have plenty of Ghanaian friends who are guys that haven’t asked me to marry them (…at least seriously…). And the thing about beating/cheating, it is more common here then it is in America but like in America there are good guys and bad guys. The good Ghanaian men are just as extreme as the annoying ones. Some guys I have come across only want to help. You ask them where the internet café is and not only will they tell you but they will take you there too with no expectation of reward. They are respectful, sweet, and usually the ones you want to give your number to (even though you don’t get an opportunity). I am amazed constantly at the helpfulness of both Ghanaian men and women that you just don’t see often in America.
The last thing I have to say about Ghanaian men is there version of masculinity. Men hold hands here are with other men and I have seen guys wear what I think is girly print or cuts. [Joy's insert: But it's not considered gay, as an American would probably automatically assume. In fact, male homosexuality is illegal.] From the relationships I have seen (with both American and Ghanaian women) they tend to be chauvinistic and controlling. On the other hand they are overly romantic in what most Americans see as a cheesy way. It’s all interesting.
All I know is if one more guy asks me to marry them I am telling them I am a infertile lesbian. Maybe it will work?"
HAHAHA i like this post! it's always so interesting to see how different people in other cultures think and act. I was just imagining everything in my head, and honestly I kept laughing... when they hit on her, HOW they hit on her. and when she talked about the GOOD guys, I kept thinking YEAH! we need more guys like THAT around here!! but then I also kept thinking about how they must view the men and women in OUR society! they must think we're SO STRANGE!!!
ReplyDeleteHaving spent four months in GH I think your account is pretty accurate but also very harsh. Give the Ghanaian men a break; they are not all interested in using an obroni woman for her citizenship and maybe one day they will earn more than you. Although the facts are partially true your word choice is very offensive. Do you think that maybe your Ghanaian friends might find this a little insulting? I could say just as horrible of things about American men.
ReplyDeleteMy account is blunt. Idk if you are a female or light skinned or not but its very frustrating to be objectified every time you leave the house every day for months. I wrote how I felt about the situation and I stand by it. I did make it a point that this was not the entire population and that there are good points to Ghanaian masculinity. I'm still friends with the guy who brought me to the internet cafe and I hope to visit him in Ghana one day.
DeleteAnd YES! Many American men are also chauvinistic and overly aggressive. They are taught to be emotionally insensitive and detached which is also frustrating.
I can go on about women in each country too. No one is perfect but this issue really got to me while living in Ghana and this was my vent.
let me explain u something,im from balcan countrey so we are not so naive like many white strangers-ghanians like many other people doesnt matter the countrey-africa,india or arab countrey has that infantile behavior,cuse their culture is different!!!
ReplyDeletedoesnt matter muslims or not their brain is infantile-not stupid,for them love is not what we think,the perfect women for that kind of people dont smoke,dont drink,dont use drugs and dont go to bars-and if u are pretty too....omg u are the future wife :D they imiadetely start ot fall inlove,for them its enough,the second thing is for documents,but even in this case they are so infantile to hide that they are racist and u will recognize the liers who only wanna use u-its simple,u just must provocate them with words and actions for everything.just not european people are from other planet-learn it finally,they are very different believe me,when u start ot date with someone will understandt-its not enough to read posts or watch youtube for any culture.i have no ghanian bf -he is just crazy and not adequate,but for now i think is a good man ,but the difference between us are not small i feel it :(